


Rise of the Kingsmen/Guardians: The Secret Service

by Zinfandel



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Character Swap, Alternate Universe - Rise of the Guardians Fusion, Canon Divergence - Antartica Scene (Rise of the Guardians), Crossover, I really, M/M, Multiple Crossovers, Rise of the Guardians (2012) References, Sort of? - Freeform, don't know how to tag this better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 19:19:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5345636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinfandel/pseuds/Zinfandel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack Frost, the invisible punk, gets a crash course in becoming a spy & thus is thoroughly confused when his mentor is also evil? And gets himself killed? By himself? </p><p>-and-</p><p>Eggsy, the low-class winter spirit, may or may not find more merit in joining the bad guy than previously thought. That specter is rather quite a gentleman...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Guardians: The Secret Service

**Author's Note:**

> yooo, these are just two short au swaps i posted on tumblr a bit ago, put here for easy finding. :) 
> 
> I frickin love both movies so hard! so when i got an ask about them, how could i resist?  
> Cheers to the blackice fandom, my old stalwart friends <3

Jack didn’t know why he did. Shit no, thats wrong. Of course he knew why he fucking did it. Rottweiler was a dipshit and deserved it and how was he supposed to know he was gonna get caught? Jack’s a literal ghost on the estates to begin with, he’s surprised Rotty even knew he was at the bar at the time. 

But here he ended up, at the police station, looking at time because he’s not a kid anymore and when did that happen? Where did the time go in his life? Drifting by silently, ignored, days and weeks slipping through his fingers like sand, Emma the only thing left anchoring him to his shitty mortal coil. 

Things drifted again and the next thing Jack became aware of was nearly being shoved out of the police station and stumbling down the steps and a hand catching him by the shoulder and stoutly putting him back on his scrawny feet. Jack looked up, and frowned. 

“Who’re you then?”

“Some gratitude would be nice, I just got you released.”

“That ain’t an answer, mate.”

The man sighed and Jack finally noticed his impeccable dress. A dark grey suit, gold accents, dark tanned skin and sleekly slicked back black hair. This man was a friggin centerfold if he ever saw one. With a put upon air, the man stepped away from Jack and gestured with a signet ringed hand to an equally black and sleek cab. 

“Kozmotis Pitchiner, at your service. May i treat you to a drink?” 

Jack’s mouth fell open, but he followed.

…

Kozmotis huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he leaned back against the foot of his hospital bed and readjusted the belt on his stupid plush golden dressing gown. 

“Thats you, mate!” Jack exclaimed as he pointed to the flatscreen Bunny accessed through his clipboard, playing a clip of Valentine’s press conference.

Bunnymund snorted and readjusted his glasses.

“No, that is my brother. Pitch.” Koz pointed out. “It would seem he has gotten himself in quite deep this time.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me, he’s the badguy’s assistant?” 

“So it appears.” Koz didn’t seem to forthcoming with his information, so Bunny cut in.

“Well, as Jack pointed out, from the neck scars we have a pretty good idea why Professor Arnold exploded and who did it. Now we just need to know why, and what that has to do with cellphones and the environment…”

…

The music blared cheery amid the wreckage and slushed brain matter splattering the entire room. Jack pointed a white rifle at the man across from him.

“You  _killed_ him! He was your  _Brother_! You-you…” The gun wavered.

The man, Pitch Black, sighed, and wasn’t that just a kick in the teeth. He moved just the same as Koz, as Jack’s Koz.

“Stop playing with your food and kill him!” Valentine shrieked from his position at his desk. Pitch glanced up at him.

It was all the time Jack needed to point his gun in another direction and fire twice. The music stopped, a body fell from the second story office. Silence rung deathly. Jack pointed his gun back to Pitch.

“You fucking killed him, and I’ll kill you for it.” Jack said solidly, emotionlessly. 

“Well.” Pitch said and looked around the room. “There’s nothing much left here anyways. You completed my objective. Why don’t we go get some tea and sort the rest out?”

“What?”

“Come along, Jack Frost.” Pitch said and turned away, walking briskly, Jack following without even realizing it.

…

He slumped into the posh chair at the manor, his arms folded.

“Whats this about, Black?” Jack grumbled.

“Well, for one,” He said as he took a sip of tea. “Kozmotis isn’t dead. Far be it from me to kill him, he’s like a cockroach. Trust me, I’ve tried many times.”

“Jesus. What?” Jack asked sitting up.

“Two, He should be here any minute. Flying coach from America, Especially after this whole disaster serves him just about right.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Of course you wouldn’t because he wouldn’t say anything on pain of death anyways.” Pitch set his teacup down and held out his tanned and scarred hand. “Pitch Black, M16 respectively. I was undercover with Valentine for months. But you wouldn’t know that. Probably Bunnymund or North neither. Kingsman lacks in many things.”

Jack ran a hand over his face. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Well, Kozmotis contacted me before Kentucky, after your, hm…falling out i suppose, and we arranged as much of the fallout as we could. The church massacre was a little out of our depths, but afterwards things got back on track. He made a few contingency plans in case things fell through. You were one of them.” Pitch paused a moment, he heard footsteps approaching the room. 

“You failed Kingsmen, Would you like to be an M16 operative, Jack? With me instead?” He grinned a sharp toothed thing.

“Absolutely not!” A voice sounded as the door banged open. Koz stood there in his tailored suit, his hair ruffled and spikey, looking quite irate. 

Jack bounced to his feet. “Koz, you’re ok!” He nearly skipped over to his mentor, completely ignoring Pitch.

“Koz?” Pitch asked, a smirk painting his face.

“Shut up you nightmare. Jack is a Kingsman through and through.” Koz said and returned Jack’s hug. Jack turned back and nearly stuck his tongue out at the opposing twin.

“How unfortunate,” Pitch replied. 

“Well, you could do the sane thing and join Kingsmen as well, god knows they’ve asked you enough over the years.”

“There might be proper incentive, finally.” Pitch replied and smiled.


	2. Rise of the Kingsmen

Eggsy scraped his bare foot across the jagged antarctic ice. They didn’t understand. Roxy and James and Percy and Merlin, and the rest of the Guardians of the Round Table were great yeah, but they didn’t get it. And they made that abundantly clear. 

Eggsy was just a pleb, some shitty winter spirit. What did he have to guard? Just because they were blessed with silver spooned magic didn’t make their any better than his. He needed his memories anyways, they didn’t have anything they could offer him besides that.

“I knew this would happen.” A rich voice sounded behind him. 

Eggsy leapt to his feet and brandished his staff. “What the fuck do you want, bruv?”

“Don’t call me bruv.”

“Piss off, Hart.” Eggsy threatened, but there wasn’t much heat behind it. He was tired of it all, of being ignored, of not having memories, of never having a…

The dark spirit disappeared and soon re-materialized on the edge of the cliff, sitting with his feet dangling over. “Do you know why I’m doing this, Eggsy?”

“Because you’re a piece of scum?” Eggsy spat, but still sat down beside the ancient spirit. 

Harry laughed, “Not quite. I used to be a guardian too, did you know?”

At that, eggsy’s eyes widened. “No shit?”

“Yes, shit. In fact, I guarded courage by means of fear and overcoming such helplessness. It was quite nice, for a time.”

“What happened?”

“Chester King, happened. The old classist prick. He has nearly all of them sipping out of his hand, as i’m sure you’ve seen.”

“No room at the round table for a pleb like me.”

“Not his.” Harry agreed.

Eggsy hummed, then sighed. He propped his staff between his legs and leaned his whole weight on it, pressed his forehead into the wood. “Well, they kicked me out, so no point in wasting your time here with me then. Go and be all villainy or whatever it is that you do.”

“I am not ‘all villainy’ and I resent that.” Harry huffed, but still smiled. “would you like your memories, though? I have always planned to give them back, once I can make them see reason, no sense in yours getting re-lost in the shuffle.”

Eggsy smiled as Harry pulled the container from the eternal black depths of his robes. “Sure, why not. Look, guv, you just ensured that guardians are no match for you now.”

Harry grinned as he handed over the canister. “Indeed I have. I’ll leave you to it then?”

“Thanks, guv.”

“Also, I’m not your guv.” and with that the waif disappeared. 

…

Eggsy gasped and collapsed in a heap onto the ice of his pond. Tears leaked from his eyes and crystallized on his cheeks and he gripped the canister of teeth till it dug into his palm and ice cold blood gelled around the metal. 

“Fuck.  _Fuck!_ ” He grit out trying to contain his grief. It was useless. He threw the teeth and watched in agony as the metal broke upon the ice and teeth scattered everywhere. 

His memories were absolute shit! James was full of shit! Guardian of memories? Eggsy was full of even more. What a load of crock. How could he ever have known who he is if he couldn’t remember who he was? Fuck. Fuck  _everything_. 

He was nothing more than scum. The guardians were right. Eggsy fucking died at the hand of his step-father, drowned in the very pond he called home now. All for…all to…shit. All to protect his sister Daisy from his tyrant fist. But what fucking good was he? He died to protect her and yet he left to Dean’s mercy anyways. He couldn’t do shit. He couldn’t…fuck!

He punched his fist into the ice and felt both bone and crystal crack with the force. 

There was nothing left. His memories didn’t solve a goddamn thing. The guardians kicked him out, he had no center. Roxy was lying saying everyone had a center. But…she was the Guardian of Hope so what did she know? The eternal shitty optimist she was. Fuck.

H-Harry. Harry was still there. Harry gave him the canister without trying to get anything from Eggsy in return, Harry never lied to him, never kicked him out, Eggsy would….Eggsy would  _protect_ him. Protect the last good thing in his awful immortal life…

…

“You fucking prick!” Chester spat as Eggsy pinned him to the pavement. He was huffing out ragged frosty breaths, he was bleeding all over. 

The entirety of the round table was on their knees and asses in a near semi-circle around the two, stunned to inaction. Harry stood back away, his black sand snaking like a barrier between the guardians and the pair of adversaries. 

“I found my center, King. And I know yours.” Eggsy rasped. Chester glared murder at his conquerer. “It’s protection. And I’ll never be  _subdued_  again. Not by Dean, or by you.”

And a spike of ice dug it’s way through Chester’s heart. He sputtered and ice spiked from the wound in his chest and then his gaping mouth. 

Harry’s shoulder’s fell. His task was complete. The round table of knights in front of them were tensed in horror and confusion. Eggsy stood from the body of his victory and nearly stumbled back. A warmth behind him caught him and helped him to stand. 

“If that will be all, then.” Harry said flatly, politely. “We will take our leave now.” And he whisked the pair of them away into the shadows ignoring when Merlin shouted after them. 

…

“Eggsy.” Harry called softly, rousing the sleeping spirit. Eggsy grumbled and turned over to hide his head in Harry’s black sheets.

“Eggsy.” He tried again and sat on the bed, touching Eggsy’s shoulder gently.

“Nnnnnnwhat.” Eggsy groaned.

“I’ve gotten an invitation today.” Harry said as he rolled eggsy onto his back and removed the pillow from his head. “To the north pole.”

Eggsy tensed up immediately, his hand freezing halfway to scrub through his hair. “What the fuck do they want?”

“It seems,” Harry said and then grinned a shark like thing “They intend to apologize.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Come and chat with me on tumblr!  
> I'm too lazy to find the html link coding bs off google, so my tumbles is zinfandelli.tumblr.com


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